Jo's Bouncing Back From Crazy: Right of Passage

The start of the new school term and the message is coming through loud and clear - thank goodness a bit of normality returns, but I cannot share those same sentiments. I have always loved having my children at home with me. It is where they belong. I didn't become a mother to give them away for the majority of the day. My concept truly made by emotion rather than functionality or practicality, and I realise that this is a whole can of worms. Before we go down that route, I was very lucky that I had changed my career before my children came along that allowed me that luxury as well as working until very recently.

I remember when Madison first started nursery, I could hear her when she cried, I knew it in my soul, we had a connection so strong. I know when Cassidy fought me all the way into the school, I knew when her soul was settled and she had eased into her day. Don't ask me how, but I know.

I truly don't believe you know what unconditional love is until you hold your child in your arms. If only they came with a little guide! It wouldn't have to be a fully indexed A-Z of every aspect of their entire lives, lets face it a little surprise and spontaneity is a good thing. But how to help them deal with the obstacles of life would be a great help through the darker days of helping someone grow up (when fundamentally you don't want them to), especially through the early years.

I think I've learnt more things about myself in the past 3 years than I have in the 38 I had lived previously to that, I could live regretting it or realise that the next 20 can be different. It would be reassuring to know that I've helped them get through the problems that I can help them with, whilst they are in my care and with every fibre of my being I will adhere to the promise, that I would do absolutely anything I could to make my child happy if they were born fit and healthy (you made that promise too I know it).

So where is my dilemma? Trying to help my daughter deal with the cruelty of others. I have always brought both of my children up to be kind, caring, thoughtful, sensitive, polite and respectful. In the main, as far as others are concerned they both are and I couldn't be prouder of them both. But kids are cruel and working out complex relationships at 9 years old, shouldn't be a factor, but it is, times are changing, a child isn't allowed much of a childhood anymore before they are pigeon-holed, studied, analysed and boxed.

These children are going through at 9 what I did at senior school. It's Madison's right of passage to live through this experience and learn how to put the coping mechanisms in place now, so that they are secure and solid for her to build upon, the trouble is shaky foundations from a previous difficulty at school, coupled with an unrelenting worry and anger about my illness means that unlike her peers, she is more sensitive and takes to heart all that is going on around her. "Why can't everyone just be friends and have fun together? If they don't like someone why not just stay away from that person and if they do like someone, then just be kind and play with them." Straight forward, but yet it never is.

This school playground mentality and behaviour will haunt them their whole lives (girls being bitchy and gossipping, boys that can do sport and can't) until that is I can help to teach them otherwise. We do not want to deal with negativity and those children who choose to behave in this way exude negative energy which is draining and tiring and we do not have the spare energy capacity to deal with it. If we can't change something, then we have to try not to worry about it, because again, that's wasted energy which we don't want to use in this way. It is so amazing how much negative karma is given off by others that we absorb like sponges until we become the lemming that follows the pack. Not everyone is born to be a leader and often those that take that 'role' at school, is merely the one who has the best manipulating skills (future politician), or who exudes confidence to the point of unquestioning leadership (future politician), or the one who has older siblings in the school, a well 'known' family in the area - one of the in crowd that often exists with the boundaries of the schooling community.

So with trepidation, the school year term begins, the final one before we can say goodbye to two years of stolen items, things going missing, disrupted lessons, acts of intimidation, bullying and unkind words and actions. If it wasn't for the fact that I myself am academically challenged and energy inefficient then I would consider home-tutoring. But alas that is not meant to be - luckily for both of my girls.

How quickly they grow. I cannot stop time or turn it back because if I could not only would I be onto a complete winner financially but in addition there are some pretty major events that I would change, especially the owl glasses that I wore at 17! I want to make sure that the strength that I am trying to instill in my children, a confidence in what is right and wrong, what makes a good person, cherishing their kindness & nurturing their spirits so that they can live their dreams, experience their gifts and live a happy life. I just have to somehow get them through the next couple of years schooling whilst hoping all of their amazing qualities that makes them who they are remain unspoilt.