Negative Numpty

It never ceases to amaze me how draining the effects of negativity can be.  How you don't even recognise it when it becomes engrained into your every day existence & is spouting out of your mouth as though it's a natural characteristic of your personality. 

Negativity comes in lots of different guises, it can be blatant, bold and bloody-minded, or underlying, snide and suggested.  Sometimes even the mere hint of negativity is enough for someone to pick up the negative gauntlet and go running off with it as fast as is humanly possible.  Alternatively you can find yourself a shrivelled up sponge, soaking up everyone else's unwanted negativity until it is reaches excessive amounts and oozes freely from your very soul.  It's attack is vicious and all consuming, assaulting all aspects of your being, your mind, your body, your soul until it completely devours you.

It spreads in a group like a infectious disease infecting one, then another, then another, passing, building, growing and becoming more powerful the more who succumb to it's toxic pleasure.  It falsely feels comforting in it's communication - the bitch & moan concept of gossiping, expunging the feelings, rather than keeping them bottled up.  But negativity isn't choosy, it's resilience is epic, so regardless of whether it's bottled or open, it still unleashes it's fury.

Stopping it is akin to giving up smoking.  Starting the process so early in it's concept, that it's like learning to walk again, or talk again.  The moment that your brain feels the cloud of negativity start, it needs to let it go.  Imagination is key :  putting the negative thought into a strong hold box, shutting the lid, locking it and dropping it into the ocean, alternatively & maybe a more relaxing vision is to put it on a white fluffy cloud and watch as it disappears into the distance.  Recognise the thought, accept it for what it is and then push it away again.

Life is difficult, economic climates chaotic, minds busy, to weigh it down in negativity is punishment, to let it go, is freedom.  Suddenly, that all consuming thought has vanished, your body, mind and soul, saved from the drudgery of negativity.  The next thought comes along and the process is the same, float away little demon thought!

Soon you'll start to be more proficient, but, don't lapse or stop thinking - because those sneaky little negative monsters, will creep up on you when you least expect it.  You'll start to spot the Negative Numpty's - those beyond help, who cannot resist, who are completely consumed all of the time, who will always harp on, find discord or find ways to try to bring you down, not perhaps intending to make you feel bad, but more-over to make them feel better. They were right, they knew best, comrades of misery.

Acceptance of others is paramount, you can't convert those, who don't want to be converted - they remain comfortable in that negative place.  But what you can do is not let it taint you.  Stick to your own conviction of positivity.  Do you know how draining misery can be?  Happy, positive actions, creative happy positive thoughts, which in itself make you a lot more fun to be around and a much better person for YOU to listen to inside your head - because that's the person who you have to live with, who you have to answer to.  Don't be a negative numpty, be a positive passionate person!

Catch 22

Life should be recalled "catch 22" because it appears to me that is what it continually sets out to do. You want to be a doctor but you can't stand the sight of blood. You like studying but are not clever enough to go to university. You need to get a good education or you can't get a good job. If you don't get a good job, you won't be happy. See dammed if you do & almost dammed if you don't.

I was smiling only to myself earlier. I am enjoying the reading bug again, properly for the first time in years, because my life has changed for me to be able to do that. I was hoping that in time once my literary prowess has developed more that I could go back to the creative writing that used to give me so much pleasure. I have written in one form or another all my life from school to college, doing poetry after leaving school, being editor for the IQPS, writing marketing material & job descriptions to enticing profile of candidates at the agencies to my own weekly newspaper column but it had been probably about 4 years since that happened - the longest time I've been without words.

So when the thought came to me today, I want to really focus one writing - my catch 22's started pouring in, I would get too tired, am not keeping my blog updated, need laptop upstairs, when could I find the time, I would forget where a plot would be headed.

My catch 22's had become excuses in my head - the voice of unreason putting obstacles of I can't instead of I can but how in my head. That in itself is not a legacy that I am prepared to leave my children whether or not I get better or don't from this condition. We have the power to be able to find solutions to problems but let the problems take over our consciousness - so I shall not be putting myself into a catch 22 situation. I shall be dealing with it slowly, by gradually dipping my toe into the literary world again, by blogging more, reading more & also getting different concepts & starting to pull them together. The difference is I have no deadlines or timescales - just where the words take me in my own imagination!

That's what's the most exciting thing - that is what is going to mean that I can so this because its also something that I want!

A Very Good Place To Start

I think I'm being honest when saying that I'm not sure really where to start, so I'm going to feel my way with this as I am with life at the moment.  I'm piecing together a new me, a recreation, the old me - perhaps more appropriately a happy person who is be fun to be around, deals better with stress, and manage my condition so that I get the very most out of what life  has to offer.  Look at it through the eyes of a child rather than someone who's fought hard for things all her life, who has never honestly believed that she has ever been good enough, so has continually sought the title perfectionist when indeed no such title can be earned.  

I've managed to establish that I am better when I start to routinely do jobs around the house or with the children 'pootling' is my favourite term, not doing anything with the gusto that I used to, but also, not being sedentary and feeling as though I am watching life pass me by.  It's like dipping my toe in to test the temperature of life.  So this is as it is, what will be will be, of that I have no choice, but the choice that I do have is how I deal with it, whether I let it totally consume me or, whether I roll with the changes, and just keep pootling along aiming and striving towards positivity and life rather than depression and refuge!