Catch 22

Life should be recalled "catch 22" because it appears to me that is what it continually sets out to do. You want to be a doctor but you can't stand the sight of blood. You like studying but are not clever enough to go to university. You need to get a good education or you can't get a good job. If you don't get a good job, you won't be happy. See dammed if you do & almost dammed if you don't.

I was smiling only to myself earlier. I am enjoying the reading bug again, properly for the first time in years, because my life has changed for me to be able to do that. I was hoping that in time once my literary prowess has developed more that I could go back to the creative writing that used to give me so much pleasure. I have written in one form or another all my life from school to college, doing poetry after leaving school, being editor for the IQPS, writing marketing material & job descriptions to enticing profile of candidates at the agencies to my own weekly newspaper column but it had been probably about 4 years since that happened - the longest time I've been without words.

So when the thought came to me today, I want to really focus one writing - my catch 22's started pouring in, I would get too tired, am not keeping my blog updated, need laptop upstairs, when could I find the time, I would forget where a plot would be headed.

My catch 22's had become excuses in my head - the voice of unreason putting obstacles of I can't instead of I can but how in my head. That in itself is not a legacy that I am prepared to leave my children whether or not I get better or don't from this condition. We have the power to be able to find solutions to problems but let the problems take over our consciousness - so I shall not be putting myself into a catch 22 situation. I shall be dealing with it slowly, by gradually dipping my toe into the literary world again, by blogging more, reading more & also getting different concepts & starting to pull them together. The difference is I have no deadlines or timescales - just where the words take me in my own imagination!

That's what's the most exciting thing - that is what is going to mean that I can so this because its also something that I want!