Giving Something Back

Today was the day when I went on my own to Cheltenham Pain Clinic to go and be a Graduate of the Pain Management Course & be 'interviewed'.

I hope that I manage to convey the multiple benefits of going on the course, what to expect & what was going to happen. It felt quite strange doing this on my own without Vanessa & Scott to bounce off, laugh with & also convey the fun & friendships that we all found along our own particular pain journey.

I only knew Jane there & anxiously knocked on the door when I arrived. I was let in immediately & was listening to the 'feelings' chronic pain left you with, the anger, feeling like a burden & being a lesser person were the ones instantly identified. Then came my turn. I tried to answer the questions a fully as possible without rambling on unnecessarily.

I was offered cup of tea & decided to accept incase anyone wanted to ask me anything. No-one was approaching me & at that time I felt a little bit naked & on display, so I offered to help handout the drinks & found a couple of younger women who had smiled at me during the interview to chat to. One of them suffered from M.E. like me & another from something with similar symptoms. The conversation went round to how life had changed so dramatically & how we had all had to give up work. It was great to be able to tell Lucy (ME) that Susan from my course had been able to return to work, maybe not in the same capacity but she had returned - so there was Hope! It was time to go & I wishes Alison & Lucy good luck with their journey ahead & left.

Then it came, the feel-good rush that I used to get when I had finished a Slimming World Group. The feeling as though I had been able to do some good - to make a difference. Give help & hope that on some way, things would get better & no matter how small & insignificant it might feel improvement on current circumstances is massive!  That's when it hit me, how much I missed doing group, helping people, becoming part of their lives and seeing them change before me.  I just wish that I could do something like that again, to feel that worth again.  It doesn't take away the pride that I have in Madison & Cassidy, or in their achievements, but it is hard to judge yourself as a parent as it's an evolving role.  But when it came to helping people lose weight I could measure my success by their success.

So, it's just given me something to think about as and when I start to feel a little brighter, that even though I could never go back to Slimming World, I perhaps could think about doing something that 'helps' others.  I'm still interested in the counselling side of things.  May be just may be that's something that I need to follow through at some stage.